Friday, March 14, 2014

Shell Shock (A Poem)



A Transformation, I suppose...

Wanting to wash you
From my memory
Like dried beer stains,
I closed the line between us
Like an old storm door
Rusted at the hinge
And it would not open again.
I hung a messy string
Of fairy lights across the
Pristine white walls behind my bed,
Tussled my hair into an unmade nest
And threw my shoes
Into the river like a wood nymph,
The same ones full of
Your shelled beach sand,
I wanted rid of every crumb of you.
I sat in the rain
And spoke to the moon
As if she were another mother
And I refused to cry
come Thanksgiving,
Two hundred minutes of forced smile
Across a table full of
cobbler and string beans
not once wondering if you
were even thinking of me.
And come spring, I exchanged
My sandals for tights,
Tossed my favorite jeans too,
The ones that always compelled
You to brush against me
In that subtle-man sway.
I pushed flowers and bands
Of silk between my tussled hair
And behind my ears,
Laughing a little at all my secrets
That you never won.
I spent a year of my life
Filling back into my body
As a woman whose curves
You'll never get to touch.
I bought the black dress,
The one you warned me against,
And a red one made of cashmere too,
Each silky crevice of my skin
Burning the memory of you
Like a smoking gun,
And I wore them well.

Written for a prompt at Imaginary Garden With Real Toads.

13 comments:

  1. Well, there's a lot to like in this one...the storm door, messy string of fairy lights, wood nymph...and of course the dresses

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  2. Reminds me of a character from a Francesca Lia Block story. I consider myself lucky to count her among my friends, and I really love her writing. Well wrought, Stacy Lynn ~

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  3. There is a fine art to letting go, particular to each person, and your way rings very true for me. It is a long hard process, but the day you feel it is really over is reason enough to celebrate in a new red dress.

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  4. ah it is tough to find the way back to oneself again after a disappointing experience... good on you on buying and wearing that dresses...loved the hair parts as well

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  5. smiles....the wanting to change...prove them wrong, show them you can and not let their memory dictate who you are....yeah...well told stacy

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  6. wow, now this is real letting go and for me really evokes the spirit of that song. the personal details weave together a really interesting, powerful read. i'd like to see you creating something fantastic in your red cashmere dress!

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  7. the hardest part of shell shock is to move on...letting them drift out of sight...lots of emotion and thought in the poem nicely done Stacey

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  8. The imagery in this is fantastic . . . great sense of discarding and moving forward.

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  9. Deeply poignant. It really is difficult to was away all the grey.

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  10. I love this...so rich in details. Wonderful piece of letting go!!

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  11. Strong voice hereof a woman still convincing herself. The details are wonderful. I like!

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  12. The brewing of this charm requires both the items of abandonment--all that was once desired--as well as the defiance that prevents desire from collapsing in defeat. And time, seasons, a faithfulness to the wound. So that the speaker becomes more than everything the spurned lover thought he wanted. Turning defeat into magnitude. The avenging witch has a potent broom to ride ... redressing an outraged nature. Lots of good ink here to save for other colder seasons that have to be endured along the way.

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  13. "and I wore them well" is a dazzling last line and I adore "I spent a year of my life
    Filling back into my body". Fantastic emotion.

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