Friday, January 9, 2015

One, Alone (a blackout poem)


She was
out of the past,
a shadowy woman
still sitting at the table,
pale and tired
she mumbled a greeting
and poured herself
a cup of coffee,
attempted a smile
that did not quite make it
and then put her elbow on the table,
rested her head in her palm.
a gesture to be alone,
always alone
in a crowd of a thousand.
Some people are like that,
the happiest, friendliest people,
other artists.


Written for a prompt at dverse poets.

15 comments:

  1. Some people seem to handle that loneliness so well.. Just amazing how you find the message there.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Very cool! I like what you crafted here.

    ReplyDelete
  3. she seems to be ok with her loneliness... in a big crowd is the loneliest place on earth me thinks...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Great write, words that I resonate with. What book was this from?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It actually came from a vintage gothic romance titled 'Green Shadows.' It was written in the early seventies! I collect them, and I've already read it and probably won't reread it again so I think I'm going to use it to play around with some more blackout poetry.

      Delete
  5. Really your poem would stand alone. One would not guess it was an erasure poem. And, ah, I can really picture her!

    ReplyDelete
  6. You have drawn a striking and very poetic portrait. You make her real for us. I can just see her.

    ReplyDelete
  7. haha....artists are def the other at times...
    cool capture of her character, then turning her a bit more personal
    with that closure....

    ReplyDelete
  8. I love the way your poetic minds works; this piece echoes, parallels my own; one poet out on the trail wrote, "poetry is found everywhere, in everything". We, like when we snap a photograph, have our own eye, our own perceptions of light, composition, color, texture; snapping a tiny personal snippet of the grandiose world--and similarly, when confronted with a page of someone else's prose, erasive writing becomes a treasure hunt, every word is part of the scrambled game, and somehow as we scan the page, we search for a story, a narrative analogous to our own vision, separate perhaps from the tone of the original author's text & style, or not; a terrific take on the prompt, very impressive for sure.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. loved your commentary! i do agree, what we 'find' becomes a reflection of ourselves. i recently read in a book on the art of poetry, 'the self is in the poetry,' meaning the things we write are actually a part of us. we all reach into the same world, yet write vastly different things. i think that's pretty accurate!

      Delete
  9. this is a really strong piece, all the more impressive that it is arrived at by the blackout method. Kudos.

    ReplyDelete
  10. An interesting character poem ~ Such loneliness, you captured this woman's solitude very well ~

    ReplyDelete
  11. You made a cool poem out of the blackout exercise. It seems totally natural, like it was a poem that you wrote from scratch. Nice work.

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for taking the time to comment, it is so appreciated. Your thoughts and critiques are always welcome! I will be by to visit your blog soon!